Friday, November 25, 2005

Addicted to good conversation

I've hesitated to join this discussion group...for the mere reason that it could get addictive.

It also doesn't feel exactly good here, for some reason. Maybe because it's new. But I want to try it once in a while if that's ok.

Do you think it's true that who we are is what we think about in our free time?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'm getting Mormoner

and Mormoner

it's scaring me
but it feels good

I've been meeting with my bishop
and repenting
which is such a strange feeling
because I'm not sure I believe in it at all
but it still feels good
and so I'm going there

One thing I'm afraid of about this
is that I will get boring

that I will get content and blessed and comfortable
and begin to insulate my life against anything that "takes away the Spirit"
and lose touch with the world outside of Mormonism

I stand for unity
I am unity

so, this experiment will continue

this weekend it was good good to be with a lot of Mormons
and to feel some burning in my bosom
as the Mission President spoke to us
I love seeing men cry
it is so beautiful and moving and tender

I tried to read the book of Mormon on the way home on the bus but fell asleep
but I'm reading 2 Ne. 4, where Nephi finally sounds humble.

That is the word for how I felt at church this Sunday.

and Blessed.

Monday, November 21, 2005


You have disappeared from my knowing you - which was only through your replies here.
My post inviting participants yielded replies that were related to a different post (understandably, otherwise, it would have involved A LOT of scrolling).

It has been difficult for me to find the time to post on here - but as it is currently the only format in which the Spiritual Discussion Group happens, I decided it's time to invite everyone I - or you - know who may have interest in participation. Although I can't post much these days, reading your thoughts does help me.

So Ryan, where are you? I don't know your email address, and need it if I am to invite you to join as an author. Of course, ANYONE can still comment at any time - but as an author you can post about an entirely personal subject - or anything that has not yet been brought up.

Please, everyone, help spread the word to keep the discussions alive and well.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Good in and of itself

A tangent to our recent discussion on homosexuality deals with the question of what is good, rather than what is bad. I think that spirituality has a lot to do with being connected, both to other people and to other moments in time. We talk about having an "eternal perspective", and I think it is safe to say this implies we are both aware of, and care about the state of the distant future. One question that interests me concerns the way we perceive our future, especially beyond death. Do we need to have an awareness of, and a connection to our eternal future in order to be happy? Can we be happy based purely on present circumstances that have no bearing on the future?

I often find myself unwillling to really hope for things that aren't guarunteed, but I still find myself acting as if they were real. For instance, recently I decided that I wanted to leave active duty for the national guard so I could go to school full time. In particular, I wanted to go to law school. I knew that I would have to start applications and take the LSAT if it was going to happen, even though I was not at all sure that a transfer would be approved. The outcome was critical to my future, and I was quite anxious. I guess you could say that I was excited about the prospects, but because it was only hope I didn't really feel any joy. I tried not to think about it, but also to motivate myself to do the considerable work that was necessary. (I was approved to transfer, and am waiting to hear back from the schools I applied to).

Sometimes I feel the same way about my eternal prospects. There are a lot of things that I think are possible, and which I hope for very much. But I don't really feel reassured all of the time. It is easier not to think about death and what happens afterwards. So can I stil motivate myself to make considerable changes in my life according to this hopeful view of eternity? Can I be happy if I am constantly putting eternity out of my mind? Can hope alone make us happy if it comes together with anxiety?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Lumina's thoughts lately

I went running today...

that feeling afterwards, when I my heart is still pumping, and a little bead of sweat trickles over my forehead, down my nose, to my chin, while I bend in a stretch...

the blood flowing through stagnant places...

the feeling of my shoulders and neck muscles loosening while I bend over to touch the ground...

this is spiritual for me...

i need some yoga.

I wonder why the church doesn't have a physical component beyond the Word of Wisdom, or does that embody it all?

I'm so pleased with how many Mormons I have met lately who recognize the truth in alternative medicine.

I'm so dissapointed in how many Mormons I know who give me a look of shock when I say that I went to the Jim-jil bang, which is the Korean sauna. Yes, all the women are naked in the same room. And it's okay. Why is nakedness so shocking?! That's one other thing that I wonder...why the secrecy and privacy of the temple dressing rooms?

Nakedness is spiritual too. Especially outdoor nakedness. Emily Potter wrote a beautiful short story about Eve, that I would like for her to post here.

I'm still working on the Book of Mormon challenge. It's hard, I get grossed out but I also feel a sense of peace and blessings.

The moon is a very powerful spiritual symbol for me. Maybe you should have Spiritual Discussion Group once a month, under the full moon.

I had a very strong spritual prompting two Sundays ago, as I prepared for leading Primary Music. I felt that God gave me the absolutely most enjoyable calling in the entire ward, just to be nice to me, because he knows how hard church has been for me lately.

I love Primary.

This is a picture of me being called to repentance.

Oh, and here is something else I should repent for...ha ha

I feel really blessed actually, looking at this photo, thinking of that night, knowing how the law of chastity has blessed my life.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Calling all Explorers

So this has become the only current forum for the spiritual discussion group. This makes me sad on one level, because I have been seeking a community of people I can talk about these kinds of things with, face to face. It helps me feel community and support, which are both very important - especially when journeying through explorations of new spiritual paths.

But so far, it seems what we have tried will not work. Different people want to process in different ways, and some just don't want the formal setting, in any manner. In fact, as of now, it only seems two of us do. So, until there is a time when there are people interested in getting together, or when people host special events, THIS is the group.

So, I'm sending out a plea. Please share. Please explore. Please post.
If you are not currently a contributor, but read, and have things you want to talk about, please send me your email and I will invite you as an author. I would like anyone to be welcome here, provided the following ground rules: we are not here to negate each other or others. If you want to rant about how you feel a certain belief is wrong or misguided, it needs to be strictly in a way that does not lay blame on any individuals. What I would personally prefer, though, is not explorations of what you have found that is wrong (although that is what my last lengthy post was about) but things you have explored, or want to, that you think or feel may be right.

Will you take this journey with me?
Will you join this group of explorers?
Will you share your journey?